when the lines start to blur...

Sometimes it feels like yesterday and other times it feels like the images are starting to blur I can't find the difference between reality and fanasty. I don't know if it was real or did my mind just give me an vision all on its own. I can't even take a step back enter a flashback and remember. Am I going insane.  Having a brainmelt hearing voices that aren't really there. I like my fired eggs yolky always searching for the sunnyside of things. It's sad when the pages of life start to blur and I can't seem to keep a single moment of happiness awake. Even in the end it cuts like a knife. I found faith in the metal blade that pentatraits my skin. Sometimes I wish I was a robot numb to emotion but still have the capacity to keep storage. Tell me why there's more success in pain compared to walking the righteous one. Why am I still roaming around in the dark when will you give me a flashlight. My vision is faded my brain is melting down.and you just keep leaving me here with this knife I hold onto. Wake up open your eyes they can't see you they don't know what you are. They never even tired. 

think too much bad and bad will stay find good

Lots of times I never say anything just to my journals because I don't like drama or conflict. And with most people that feed on it. So I never talk about anything because I know it always bad timing or other people come first and they say you should have patience. So I place myself in the back of the line when it comes to talking about the bad things. Do I like not talking about it yes I'd rather write it down someplace. Why because I have been this way my whole life. So don't make me feel like I can't speak or trust because I'll be the one in the fight losing it. But when I look to another topic another scene another story and other people I don't feel so bad because we all do it. It's okay to be human. I just don't have the ideal dream worthy humans connected to it where its beautiful and not stressing all the time. I will have to learn how to make things better. I will not continue to associate with the bad things. Always look for God and treat others how you wish to be treated. Don't get mad at me because you assume it's you or you understand something you know nothing about because you are not the one there experiencing it. I'm not a downer if anything I am that light. And speaking of light this sweetlight gets upset when she is on her game and is trying to achieve something and gets kicked out or not given the chance to succeed. Same thing goes for any other people or place in life. I am fine when I find like minded people who are trying to achieve the samethings and we try are best to complete an activity. Do I get mad when I have to complete a team effort on my own yes I do because I do need that structure and I'm willing to do whatever it takes. So I just gotta keep bringing out the best of everything.